Hi, everyone! I know that the slogan of bazzreviews is “The Best Place To Discover Cool Music®”, but I decided to do something out of the ordinary with this column. I asked myself, “Can be music be so bad, that it’s good?” I decided to explore this theory in more depth. And there I was, spending over an hour reading countless “worst albums of all time” lists. After that, I came away with a few consensus picks that people agreed to be the worst… Here are my thoughts and opinions about each record:
THANK YOU- DURAN DURAN
So, essentially, this respected 80s band tries so hard to make a 90s-sounding record… as you could assume, it’s a recipe for disaster. The band tried their hand at too many different genres: Britpop, hard rock, smooth rock, and each attempt is so poorly executed. In fact, They miss the mark in almost EVERY category musically: Annoyingly loud guitars, haughty drum beats, cringy synth lines, boring song lyrics, the list goes on. To make matters worse, they put a horrible “Perfect Day” cover on this record, not to adding Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five on a heavy rock track. In what universe are any of these tactics acceptable? Clearly, Duran Duran were looking for something to stay relevant after their great success in the 80s. Hell, the song titles appear to warn its listeners of the low quality… In that case, “Thank You”, Duran Duran, for such a “Ball of Confusion”. This record was definitely not a “Success”. If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to “Drive By” this record and listen something much more enjoyable.
LULU- LOU REED x METALLICA
Despite this collab getting panned from the get-go, and getting a measly 1.0 on Pitchfork, I saw putting Lou Reed and Metallica as a possible success. Both are rock legends and might have had a little chemistry between them. Well, I was dead wrong… As soon as I heard the first minute of “Brandenburg Gate”, I knew it was going a trainwreck. Lou Reed performing spoken-word poetry over Metallica is pretty laughably unpleasant. Not to mention, the poetry lacks a lot of depth, and is terribly written. Plus, it’s very rare that the poetry will ever line-up on beat with the music, and that’s incredibly irritating. Did I mention this record lasts 87 MINUTES? That’s right, 87 poorly-made, poorly-thought-out minutes. I could watch film classics such as Borat or Child’s Play in as much as time as I spent listening to this album. Though I would strongly advise you listening to this in full, please listen to a few tracks and gleefully laugh at such an atrocity.
SCREAM- CHRIS CORNELL
This record literally made me want to SCREAM. From a guy who was the lead singer of the legendary band Soundgarden, Cornell literally made an awful music decision. Why wouldn’t he have just dropped an album in a genre that he was familiar with? Instead, he just shat out a record so bad that I turned it off halfway through. This is, by far, some of the most vile-sounding dance pop I’ve ever heard. Its busy drum beats and wonky synths paired atrociously with Cornell’s Auto-Tuned, robotic voice. Christ alive, my ears were bleeding after the first three tracks. What’s even funnier, you ask? Chris Cornell had the absolute nerve to compare this album to “Dark Side of the Moon” by Pink Floyd and “A Night at The Opera” by Queen. Yeah, I’m not sure if record produced by Timbaland could ever get such a legendary status, and neither could Cornell himself. I mean, rest in peace to the man, but this record tarnished his name and made him a laughingstock.
ANGELIC 2 THE CORE- COREY FELDMAN
Remember that guy played Mouth in The Goonies and Teddy in Stand by Me? Yeah, now the dude is so desperate to get back into the public that he put out one of the most dreadful albums in recent memory. The dance portion of the record is so aggravatingly bad, not to mention the rock portion is just as bad. I guarantee Feldman didn’t even pick up an instrument or put any thought into the music when making this album. As a result, Angelic 2 The Core is out 95 painful minutes of flawed, repulsive instrumentals, terrible lyrics and vocals, and an overdose of Auto-Tune. Plus, he even managed to get the likes of past-prime musicians like Fred Durst, Snoop Dogg, and Kurupt! This might have been the cream of the crop out of all the bad records I listened to. I strongly suggest that you listen to this record, not for pleasure, but for the memes.
So, are you now interested in listening to bad music? Was there an album that you thought I should have or should not have been picked? Thanks for reading this, and I hope you continue to tune in to more stuff like this in the future!
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